When grandma says: “You’re just spoiling him”
How to explain to grandparents, friends and neighbors what is going on — without reproach and without endless justification.
“He’ll grow out of it.” “You just need to be more consistent.” “That wouldn’t have happened in our day.” These sentences rarely come from malice. They come from a time when people spoke about neurodivergent children differently — and they still sting.
What is exhausting is not the single conversation but the endless loop: that you explain yourself again and again while you have little energy anyway.
It helps to do the explaining thoroughly once — in writing, calmly, on a day when you are reasonably well. And afterwards to point to what you have written instead of starting over each time.
What carries these conversations
Not trying to convince. Making comprehensible what is.
From behavior to cause
“He isn’t being stubborn — he’s overwhelmed.” The shift from wanting to being able is the most important sentence your family needs to understand.
Concrete instead of general
Not “autism means …”, but “what helps with us is …”. Concrete requests are easier to accept than education.
Offer a role
People would rather help than watch. A clear task — an hour for the sibling, a quiet place, a recurring ritual — often turns skepticism into support.
Read on in the Mika Guide
The module “Understanding Grandma and Grandpa” is written to be passed on — it addresses the grandparents directly, not you.
Spoiled? Badly raised? No.
Why the grandchild is neither spoiled nor badly raised — just wired differently.
Behavior is communication
What is really behind outbursts, withdrawal and “stubbornness”.
Sentences that no longer help
Ten sentences from another era — and what works instead.
How you become a superpower
Relief, one-to-one time, rituals, the quiet place: four roles that really help.
Visits, celebrations, childcare
Visits without pressure, celebrations without overwhelm, childcare with clear agreements.
The app is free; the first section of this module is free to read, the deeper content belongs to Mika+ (one-time €19.99, £19.99 in the UK).
When people don’t come along
Some people will not understand — not even after the third conversation. It is then legitimate to limit contact or leave topics aside. Your energy belongs first to your child and to you.
You owe no one a diagnosis. What you tell, to whom and when, is entirely your decision.
Would you like to talk about it?
If conversations with family repeatedly go badly, we can prepare them together — with words that suit you.