When your child doesn’t sleep
Why falling asleep is the hardest transition of the day for many neurodivergent children — and what can make evenings and nights easier.
If you are lying next to a wide-awake child for the third time this evening while every other family seems to have finished their day long ago: you are not alone. Difficulties around sleep are among the most common topics that occupy parents of children on the autism spectrum and with ADHD.
And they are not a sign that you are doing something wrong. Falling asleep means letting go: giving up control, filtering out stimuli, letting the day pass. That is exactly what many neurodivergent children find hard. A nervous system that has worked all day to process sounds, light, social situations and changes does not switch off at the touch of a button.
There is something else: the evening is the time when your own reserves are smallest. That makes every setback harder to bear — and deserves some patience with yourself.
Three things that often help
Not a program you have to complete. Take what fits your family.
Stretch out the transition
It is rarely the bed that is the problem, but the leap towards it. A consistent signal for “night begins now” — a sentence, a song, dimmed light — can break that leap into steps.
Think about the senses
Light, sounds, fabrics, temperature: a room that feels cosy to you may be too bright, too loud or too rough for your child. It is worth walking through the room once with your child’s senses.
Calm rather than consequences
Nobody wins a power struggle. Your own calm is the most effective tool in the evening — not because it impresses the child, but because an agitated nervous system can orient itself towards a calm one.
Read on in the Mika Guide
The module “Understanding Sleep” covers each of these topics in detail — with concrete wording for the evening.
Why sleep works differently
What happens in the nervous system when falling asleep fails — and why it has nothing to do with parenting.
The sensory sleep environment
Light, sounds, pressure and textures: how the bedroom can match your child’s senses.
Evening routine and transitions
A predictable evening with a visual plan that eases the big transition into the night step by step.
Falling asleep without a power struggle
Co-regulation instead of consequences — how your calm becomes the most important tool.
At three in the morning
What helps with night waking, and how very early starts become more bearable.
When to seek medical advice
Some sleep issues belong in medical hands. These warning signs are worth knowing.
The app is free; the first section of this module is free to read, the deeper content belongs to Mika+ (one-time €19.99, £19.99 in the UK).
When to seek medical advice
Pauses in breathing during sleep, snoring with gaps, severe pain, marked daytime sleepiness despite sufficient sleep, or a sudden change in sleep behavior belong in medical hands. Everyday strategies do not replace that.
Medication, including melatonin, is a medical decision — not something for a guide like this one.
Would you like to talk about it?
If the nights have been hard for a long time, an outside view of your specific situation sometimes helps. A first conversation is free and without obligation.