Keeping siblings in view
They are often the considerate ones, the inconspicuous ones, the sensible ones. And that is exactly why they easily slip out of view.
In almost every longer counseling conversation the sentence comes up at some point: “And then there’s our eldest — she always gets the short end of it.” Usually a pause follows, and then tears.
Siblings of neurodivergent children often develop remarkable consideration. They put their own needs aside, make themselves small when the air at home gets thin, and function impeccably at school. That is exactly why they do not stand out — and exactly why they need attention.
This is not an accusation against you. It is simple arithmetic: if one child needs a great deal of support, less remains for the other. That cannot be organized away, but it can be shaped.
What really helps siblings
None of this takes much time. It takes reliability.
Their own time, reliably
Ten minutes a day that definitely happen do more than a big outing that keeps getting postponed. What matters is the reliability, not the duration.
Explaining, age-appropriately
Children notice anyway that something is different. If nobody names it, they invent their own explanations — and those often include their own guilt. A simple explanation lifts that burden.
Allowing negative feelings too
Anger at the sibling, embarrassment in front of friends, the wish for a normal family — all of this is normal and may be said without being corrected.
Not making them a co-parent
Consideration yes, responsibility no. A sibling may help, but should not be in charge. Holding that line is the adults' job.
Read on in the Mika Guide
In the Mika Guide you will find conversation prompts for siblings — and one preparation story for the moment a new baby joins the family.
Explaining what is going on
Words for different ages — without a lecture on diagnosis and without glossing over.
Shaping time together
Small, reliable rituals that work even on full days.
When others help
Grandparents, godparents, friends: how others can make one-to-one time possible.
“A New Baby Sibling”
A preparation story to read aloud when a new baby joins the family.
The app is free; the first section of this module is free to read, the deeper content belongs to Mika+ (one-time €19.99, £19.99 in the UK).
When more is needed
If a sibling withdraws persistently, complains of stomach or headaches, drops off at school or seems conspicuously grown-up, that is a signal. Sibling groups, school psychology services or a child therapy assessment can bring relief.
You do not have to absorb this alone — and you are not to blame for this situation existing.
Would you like to talk about it?
If you feel a sibling is currently getting too little, let us look together at what is realistically possible in your everyday life.