When you can’t go on
About exhaustion, shame, and the moment you raised your voice. This page is not for your child — it is for you.
This topic rarely gets spoken about. It comes up in almost every counseling conversation nonetheless: the exhaustion that will not go away. The guilt towards the siblings. The friendships that have grown quieter. And the moment when you raised your voice yourself and felt terrible about it afterwards.
That does not make you a bad parent. It makes you a person who has carried more than one person can carry, for a long time.
What helps in such moments is not grand concepts but small, practiced actions — for the minute when it tips over, and for the hour afterwards.
Three things for the acute moment
None of these resolves the situation. All of them buy you the seconds you need.
Three breaths
Breathe out longer than in. This is not esoterics but the fastest way to signal to your own nervous system that there is no danger to life.
An anchor sentence
An inner sentence you prepare in advance. “This is hard right now, and it will pass.” It holds you — and outwardly you say as little as possible in that moment.
The repair moment
Afterwards what counts is not that nothing happened, but that you come back. A short sentence, a hand, an offer. Connection can be restored.
Read on in the Mika Guide
The Parents' Emergency Kit in the Mika Guide is entirely free and consists of eight short impulses — also available to listen to.
First aid: three breaths
The basic technique for the acute moment — short enough that you will actually use it.
Your anchor sentence
An inner sentence that holds you when everything outside is loud.
The repair moment
How to find your way back to connection after the storm — without long explanations.
Shame and self-forgiveness
When you raised your voice yourself: why shame is part of it, and how things go on.
When it happens in the supermarket
Enduring the looks — and two sentences that defuse the situation.
The family crisis plan
A plan everyone knows: early signs, roles, contacts.
Free, works right in your browser and can be installed on your home screen.
When the exhaustion stays
If the exhaustion no longer lifts, if you feel permanently empty or dark thoughts arrive: speak to your doctor. That is not failure but the same sensible step you would take for your child.
In acute crises, emergency services 112 · after-hours medical on-call service 116 117 · Telefonseelsorge is available around the clock, free and anonymous, on 0800 111 0 111 or 0800 111 0 222.
Would you like to talk about it?
You do not have to sort this out alone. A conversation that is about you for once is sometimes the beginning.